whereto?

even though i am thankful for everything here in aberdeen, i am getting more and more impatient to leave.

i wonder where i should go, and where i could be happy and want to ask you where you could imagine me.

these are the criteria i came up with:

1. in europe (i think)

2. preferably a little warmer than this place, but this is the only negotiable criterion really

3. big city with a vibrant art/alternative/culture ’scene’

4. job availability for me in area of research/ngo/teaching of some kind

5. proximity to and history of academic life

6. dare i say that it should be a place where i could raise a family?

kitten.

i dreamt about a very angry kitten. it was dark grey, and quite fluffy. downstairs  in the vet surgery my father had treated its many broken bones and bruised face, and i was supposed to shift the little thing to a different cage. it awoke from its anaesthesia and started to scream and fight, bite, and scratch as though it was its last. meanwhile, my parents advised me to be gentle because it was a very broken thing.

i woke up with my kidneys hurting and generally feeling as if i had been run over by a freight train.

getting older ain’t so great… either that or i’m gettin the flu. but i’ll be just as much of a fighter as that kitten.

the geese have passed, i’ve seen them and they’re beautiful. spring is coming. spring is coming.

february in aberdeen.

part of the weekend was put aside for our education of attention through drawing. try spending time in the city, taking time to be slow, hanging out, watching everything very closely, and try to draw what you see, the people, the movements, odd things out of place, shapes and twists and miracles. it’s great how you start noticing things again, and you perceive them more sharply, it’s great. you look at things afresh.

this space will probably be less busy from now on, just as a warning. i spend too much time in front of the screen anyways, and will need to keep my attention on the thesis, so i can get it ready slowly slowly slowly.

so when the snowdrops will be replaced by cherryblossoms, i might submit. it’s a wild dream for now, but then, i am a wild thing. grrr.

burma/thailand.

aka sea-gypsies. fernweh.

♥

lovely film, beautiful cinematography and set design, great story, interesting characters.

read the short story here.

from the shoelace (c bukowski)

it’s not the large things that

send a man to the madhouse

no it’s the continuing series of small tragedies

that send a man to the madhouse

not the death of his love

but a shoelace that snaps

with no time left…

borges: happiness.

Whoever embraces a woman is Adam. The woman is Eve. Everything happens for the first time. I saw something white in the sky. They tell me it is the moon, but what can I do with a word and a mythology. Trees frighten me a little. They are so beautiful. The calm animals come closer so that I may tell them their names. The books in the library have no letters. They spring forth when I open them. Leafing through the atlas I project the shape of Sumatra. Whoever lights a match in the dark is inventing fire. Inside the mirror an Other waits in ambush. Whoever looks at the ocean sees England. Whoever utters a line of Liliencron has entered into battle. I have dreamed Carthage and the legions that destroyed Carthage. I have dreamed the sword and the scale. Praised be the love wherein there is no possessor and no possessed, but both surrender. Praised be the nightmare, which reveals to us that we have the power to create hell. Whoever goes down to a river goes down to the Ganges. Whoever looks at an hourglass sees the dissolution of an empire. Whoever plays with a dagger foretells the death of Caesar. Whoever dreams is every human being. In the desert I saw the young Sphinx, which has just been sculpted. There is nothing else so ancient under the sun. Everything happens for the first time, but in a way that is eternal. Whoever reads my words is inventing them.

mr happy.

one swallow does not make the spring
neither does slush make the town beautiful

you like the snow you told me
and wonder whether you’ve left to higher grounds

i miss your grumpiness in the morning your protests
at offerings of tea and that low chuckle you do so well

i plead guilty to all sorts of things and
shall not say things like ‘i wish you would wait until…’

some girl played all her chances and lost
but wonders how you are and what makes you tick

still

hole in the shoe.

this made me a little bit bouncy of happiness, actually. ët brauch heinsdo nit ganz vill, ne?

we should just live – not in the carpe diem way, but well you know hole in the shoe water on the street way … live.

thank you, danielita

abstract entities.

you know i spend way too much time with abstract concepts, such that i befriend them and have tea with them. seriously ;o) … i need to get uncomfortable and finish this goddamn thesis. sooner rather than later.

i wanted to share the following:

following a conversation with al and aino and reading monica’s draft, i started to wonder why it is that people put their trust in abstract entities that have an agency that is above the usual ’state’ level, and think that it will be more utopian, less corrupt etc.

do all people do that? parallels with religion? marrying for a ‘higher power’ than just the frigging council rep

how can it work?

what exactly is the power of abstraction?

is the closeness of supranational and supranatural a coincidence? muhahaa.

not entirely serious with these questions, but i believe i am on to something.

over and out.